It's Official

I have gained 10 lbs exactly since the beginning of the year. I could be (should be) 10 lbs lighter! NOT heavier. Now I have to relose those 10 lbs and then keep going. UGH! And why do we do this to ourselves? I'm ready to kick it into gear. I was disgusted with how my clothes fit this past weekend. Yuck! I need to get on the weighloss bandwagon. I need to get on the exercise bandwagon. :sigh: This shouldn't be this hard. It's not this hard. I just have to work through this. I know you all are probably tired of hearing me go through this but unfortunately, this is my life right now. I'm hoping that if I write about it and talk about it, I'll work through this difficult time.

I was talking to dh yesterday and I said you need to help me get back on track. And he was like you need to tell me what to do because if I say something to you, you get mad and do the opposite. He is entirely right. =) What can I say. I guess I get defensive since it's not fair I have to work this hard and basically when i start doing better, he just falls in line and loses weight because he's a man. So unfair! It doesn't help that I sit at a desk all day and he is on his feet so I can't compare myself to him but its hard!

So anyway, I have my meals planned out this week. I am going to the grocery store tonight and I will succeed at this!!!!

I don't want to WI!

I do not want to WI tomorrow. As much as I wanted to get back into the swing of things, it just didn't happen. But I am so disgusted with myself. I need to do something. I did figure out one of my problems. Breakfast. I am constantly buying a donut for breakfast from the snack bar and I finally figured out why. I want something that I can just start eating when I get to work. If I have oatmeal, I have to "fix" it. If I make egg beaters, I have to make it in the microwave. If I have toast with peanut butter, I have to get out the toaster and toast it. I need ready made will stay good in my bag from 5:30am when I put my stuff in my car until 8am when I make it to work. Or I need to eat when the kids eat (but I don't think that's feasible). Any good ideas???

So I guess that's my first step. Baby steps right?

Is it time for a new start???

Yes it is. But is tomorrow that day? I am tired of feeling like a fat blob again. I am tired of being tired. I want to start exercising again. I need to start eating better so I'm not so sluggish and tired. I want to. But there is always an excuse. The excuses need to stop. I know i have said this over and over and over again. But I really need to mean it now. I need to start fresh now. I have a feeling when I weigh in I am going to be in the 160s. :sigh: I could have been so close to the 139s it's not funny. It's really NOT funny. I almost want to cry. But I think I needed this. I needed to have fat feeling in my clothes to get back into the groove of losing weight again. I want people to start noticing again how great I look. It's gotten so nice to go to the store and try clothes on and not be upset because they didn't fit. I'm in a small top and size 8 or 10 pants. I LOVE it and I don't want to get any higher. I need to stay where I'm at. And there are key things I need to start doing in order to get back into my groove. Here they are:

1. Journal (i'm finding it tedious at this moment but it's the only thing that keeps me on track.)
2. Stay within 1200-1400 calories a day
3. Drink 64 ozs of water a day.
4. Eat healthy snacks (fruits are coming into season so this should start getting easy.)
5. PLAN my dinner meals. Actually I should plan all but I've gotten away from planning dinner. I need to get back to that.

So baby steps. I just need to take one step at a time. Change my mindset and I WILL overcome this downturn.

Book Review - Love Your Heart

Love Your Heart by Tim McGraw & Tom Douglas is a wonderful children's book. In this Children's book, Katie is trying to figure out what talent to perform in her school's talent show. But in the end, it doesn't matter what talent she picked because she chooses to help her friend instead of perform. This book teaches children about helping others and putting others first. It is beautifully illustrated and wonderfully written. This book will teach children how to be unselfish. I love the message of this book and my two year olds and four year old love for me to read this book to them. I don't think the two years olds will get the concept for awhile but my four year old gets it and what Katie did. Very good book to teach good values to kids and wonderful pictures to look at as well!

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. Also, I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their Book Review Blogger program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Review - What Happy Working Mothers Know

In the book What Happy Working Mothers Know, they talk with a lot of working mothers regarding what they do to make their life happy. What it boils down to, is finding a balance between work and home and in the end (according to the book) not feeling guilty for your choices. While I agree you shouldn't feel guilty for your choice to work (because I for one am NOT meant to be a stay at home mom!), I think I would be more happy if there were more hours in a day! I just can't find time to do everything that needs to get done. In the book, they do talk about prioritizing your time. Spend those 30 mins with the kids instead of vacuuming -vacuuming can be done later. While I do agree with prioritizing, there does come a point, when you can't push it off anymore.

The one thing I didn't like about this book was its entire chapter (it seemed) on divorce and how to get through it etc. I'm not quite sure how that is supposed to help working mothers be happy. One of the authors went through a divorce so I can only surmise that is the reason for such in depth inclusion regarding divorce and how to handle/get through it was included with the book.

Overall, I thought this was a good book. I will go back and do/re-do some of the exercises they talked about in the book to kind of let you figure out what will make you happy and how to  get to that point. They were definitely thought provoking and a great way to try to get you to your happy point. However, in the end, only you can make yourself happy. No book can do it for you!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the authors Cathy L. Greenberg Ph.D (Author), Barrett S. Avigdor J. D. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Month of February

5.2 lbs. That is what I GAINED last month. :sigh: It's my own fault. What do I expect? You eat crap, you become crap, and then you weigh like crap. Right? I have to thank Kyle for the inspiring words he wrote on my last blog on Friday. It really did give me words to thing about. You are truly right. It is me and me alone that can conquer and address my issues with weight loss. I hope I'm ready. I really do but I think I'm not. And I'm afraid I'm just going to keep gaining weight until I hit that point. But I need to stop this. One step at a time right.

I had goals for last week they were:

Weekly Goals for 2/22/10:


1. Journal Did for 2 1/2 days

2. Drink 64 ozs of water a day Did for 2 1/2 days

3. Exercise 1 time Nope

4. Meal Plan Yes. But I haven't this week.
 
So I didn't do real good. I think I need to look back and see why I stopped on Wednesday. Why did I stop and not journal anymore or finish drinking my water. What was my trigger? I don't know if I remember what if anything occured that day. My mind is going for me to remember stuff. LOL!
 
I really can't believe it's March 1st already. Two months of the year have come and gone. What do I have to show for it? Absolutely NOTHING. I am at my all time high this year (ok it's only been two months but still) AND I'm knocking on the door of the 160s again. UGH! I so do not want to see the 160s. Don't want to. Not going to. I want my clothes to fit looser. I want them falling off me. I want to look strong and toned! Of course that means I need to start exercising. My unnamed reward (well now it's named since i'm writing it here) is if I can CONSISTENTLY exercise for 6 months I can purchase a working out wardrobe. Whenever I go to Kohls I see the exercise clothes and I just want to purchase them thinking it'll make me work out if I have the "proper" clothes. YEAH RIGHT! I know me. It'll just turn out to be a waste of money. Now if I can get my butt back into exercising and doing it regularly, I can justify the expense!
 
So anyway, this is a lot of rambling etc. That's what happens when I start to reflect and what better way to reflect and figure out where/what I doing/going then the first of the month! So I'm hoping for March to be a MUCH better month than February!